My worst enemy is myself. That is why no matter how misfortunate my environment is, how tricky my enemies for pretending to be friends, I always think it is myself that I should put to ponder. I cannot be in control of all the things, but I can always manage myself and my outlook in life.
This morning, I woke up feeling strange asking myself what could my friend mean about what he said.
“Are you familiar with the old saying? ‘The plant is the crocodile'”.
I felt funny because it didn’t sound an old saying and asked what it meant anyway. He tried to tell me its meaning but our teacher suddenly called me and asked how do I feel now that my erstwhile rival is in front of me telling how beautiful my sweetheart is, as if he is still available for a relationship with her.
I stood immediately and said,
“For a lot of times, I’d say I am still bound to adjust and to recalibrate my emotions because I understand that I am not a powerful being to be in control of everything. I am jealous but still I can be rationally relational when it’s called for.”
Having said that, a deafening applause comes inside the classroom. I smiled to everyone and while looking at him, I laughed at myself.
When I woke up, I tried to think about that “old” saying to figure out how simple but deep it meant,
“That the people that you love the most are the people you are most vulnerable of.”
You can easily feel their love and happiness, but you also feel their pain that much. They always matter in our life.
It is not easy to live when emptiness is all there is to see, when the life that you knew becomes your past, when purpose is far-off of your reach, and the world that once your home is unwelcoming. It is a hell of demons outplacing your hope with fear, an ocean of ghosts driving out your soul. It is a taste of eternal destruction as you feel your chest when you breathe out life and you breathe in death.
It is difficult to swim when the current of the ocean is stronger than your limbs. But here are 15 Things I Did To Be Buoyant In The Drowning Sea of Major Depression:
Cried it out, talked, and cried again. It’s okay to cry.
Ate a lot (stress eating), slept and woke up anytime.
Bought new clothes to wear.
Tried to be my past self.
Read interest books even though I don’t understand enough.